Once upon a time, I was ashamed of my pain about not having, not doing and not being. I even lied about my pain because it was easier to pretend that the pain than to deal and heal from it. Much like Eve in the Bible, I wanted pleasure in life. Since I can remember, I reached for what appeared wonderful for a lifetime only to undergo the painful process of restoring myself from the fall over and over again. Eventually, the pain of not knowing fed my fears which caused me to stop doing and ultimately stop being wonderful enough to wander “”from my realities to manifest bigger and better dreams.

As days became months and later years, I started believing that my living was in vain because I had crawled out the gutters, lived in the valley and made mountains smaller. But I couldn’t appease my soul. As the insatiable appetite in my soul grew, I began to seek ways to appease it based on my traditional upbringing. However, when I talked to my family and friends about this indescribable feeling that left me wanting more, some prayed for me, some tried to redirect me and others judged me. I felt alone and began to question my faith since I had loved much, amassed much, and did much more than generations before me, but for some reason, I was not satisfied.